Advice to Poets (for those who appreciate sarcasm) by Alex P.

Stop writing!

Stop writing poetry if you don’t represent the extreme of the left wing.

Stop composing if you don’t have enough words in your vocabulary to accurately define “art.”

Devote your time and effort to something other than writing if you don’t acknowledge the fact that good poetry only comes from someone who’s experienced a drug overdose, or snorted coke, or smoked crack, or taken acid or ’shrooms, or been so hammered that even sitting was an absolute impossibility, or someone who’s been homeless, someone who’s been oppressed, someone who’s fucked at least once in their life, someone who’s loved and lost, not just loved.

Never write again until you’ve read Tim Leary, Socrates, Plato, Camus, Voltaire, Whitman, Ginsberg, Kerouac, and Platt.

Never stray from themes of betrayal, oppression, death, angst, and unattainable freedom, beauty, truth and love.

Don’t write with a sense of humor unless you’re writing about sex.

Don’t write to disagree with the greats. It’s a waste of time.

Don’t write in meter. Meter’s dead.

Don’t write if you agree with anything you’ve ever heard in church or at AA or if you’ve ever agreed with a politician, a cop, or any authority.

Don’t write to argue with someone who shares your political views, or your tastes in music, movies, or books.

Don’t write the word “subjective.” Don’t write the word “twat.”

Don’t write from the point of view of a bigot or a pervert or a leader unless you’re writing satire.

Write what you’re used to writing.

Write to make a point you weren’t the first to make.

Write what you want, but set certain limits on what you allow yourself to write. Let your memory be a filter for your heart.

Otherwise stop.

Quit while you’re ahead.

There are tons of things to do besides writing.