Say Hello to Travis by Alex P.
improvisational number sung to the tune of “Say Hello 2 Heaven” by Temple of the Dog

Please, pretty lady
Won’t you look Travis’s way
He wants some attention
’Cause he’s had a hard day

He came to this bar
Lookin’ for someone to meet
Maybe you’ll get to know him
He’ll buy you something to eat

He works in a sewer
But he done took a bath
He don’t even smell like shit no more
And it’s okay to ask

Say hello to Travis
Travis, Travis
He’s a really nice guy

He ain’t no rapist
Rapist, rapist
He knows the meaning of the word “no”

Say hello to Travis
I promised him I’d introduce the two of you
Say hello to Travis

Well if he were here right now
He’d say you got real pretty hair
He likes that color
Wonders if it’s the same down there

He’ll buy you a mint julep
Cause that’s what he wants to see you drink
And there won’t be no Rufees
I know what you’re thinkin’

He came a long way
Just to find a woman like you
He was hopin’ for someone a little hotter
But I guess in this case you’ll do

Say hello to Travis
Travis, Travis
Say hello to Travis
Travis, Travis

You’ll need no restraining order
After you’re done with your date
And he’s perfectly happy
To just go home and masturbate

You don’t have to give him lovin’
Just let him take a picture of you
He’ll keep it for ages
Make it sticky like it’s glue

He wants to look at you
Even when you are away
You know that playin’ with himself
Would totally just make his day

Hello to Travis
Travis, my friend Travis
Over there at the corner of the bar

Say hello to Travis
Travis, Travis
You know he drove real real far

Works for the city
And they don’t pay him enough
Travis, Travis
He just wants your stuff