Today
I impersonated a magnificent poet
and this! This is my tribute to him.
Today
I reached into the back of my brain
under cobwebs and dust
and found boxes of storage,
but I decided to leave them there for now.
Today
I learned new words like
sedulous, divestiture, and indelibility
so that I can take a test
that puts a number
on my ability to analytically regurgitate
ponderous vocabulary.
Today
I lived in a homeless shelter
with desperate men and women
who have simply been unlucky
or imprudent
and I knew that I belonged there.
Today
was greatest day of my life
but I missed it
because I was looking elsewhere.
Today
I drank half a bottle of cheap whiskey
then took a handful of pills
while he watched me
and then I realized I didn’t want to die
I just wanted to know if he cared,
and I had my answer.
Today
a voice asked me, “What is your name?”
and I shushed the voice
because I didn’t know what to say.
Today
I got new glasses
and the world is less fuzzy than before.
Today
I drew a picture of an empty hallway
lit with fluorescent bulbs
and open windows
and it was a good drawing.
Today
a hand tightly grasped my throat
and I was commanded to take off my clothes
or else I would die
and I believed him and followed his orders
because my life is more valuable
than my dignity.
Today
those who swear to serve and protect
chose not to believe me
because I don’t bruise easily.
Today
I was held securely by a beautiful man
but time is short and space is far
and I may never be held so safely again.
Today
I comprehended the difference
between having sex
and making love.
Today
my entire body felt like pins and needles
and there wasn’t a damn thing
I could do about it.
Today
I wanted to see the apartment
where my husband and I first lived
but instead I found a parking lot
and I was glad that it had been torn down
just like our marriage.
Today
I miss my best friend,
every single best friend I’ve ever had
who has come and gone for whatever reason
and I wished I could undo things done
unlisten to things heard
and unspeak things said
just to have them back.
Today
I want to tell my daughter
that I love her
and that she is not like me.
Today
I am no longer suicidal
but I kill myself a little each day.
Today
was the day of my birth
and I immediately started wasting time
wishing for impossible things
and trusting too much.
Today
some things don’t change.